What’s the connection between mindfulness and romance?

As we get older, our sex drive can diminish as hormone levels drop after entering menopause. Unlike when we were young and our hormones were raging, sex isn’t always “on the brain,” as it used to be. And unless you’re proactive about putting it there, it might go away. Which would not be a good thing because sex and intimacy are such important parts of a well-balanced, healthy relationship.

Mindfulness—making a conscious effort to become more fully aware of something and thinking more deeply about it—and how being more mindful of intimacy can help increase your desire for it. As with many things in our busy or stressful lives, it’s easy to put sex on the back burner, along with items like haircuts and ironing. And if that burner’s not turned on, things can cool down pretty quickly.

Once you make the decision to become more mindful about intimacy, you’ll find many opportunities to incorporate sexual thoughts into your life. And it can start in places other than the bedroom.

  • Are there foods you associate with a romantic interlude in your past? Food memories with scent as well as flavor can evoke intimacy.
  • You can make a bath into an opportunity for mindfulness with special oils, scented candles, and no phones allowed. You can invite your partner in for a chat!
  • Romantic or even erotic books or movies can stimulate your thinking, either solo or with your partner. 

Remember that we women are much more responsive when we’ve received sexual stimuli—thoughts, sights, smells, and sounds—than we are to just diving into sex spontaneously. Getting in the mood may require some planning and intentional cues. 

As the old saying goes, “Sex starts between the ears,” and that means in your head. So if you want to keep your sex life active—or get it cooking again—start thinking about it more. And watch what happens.